My life’s in a mess;
I got drunk on success;
I got drunk again yesterday too.
You might disagree;
you might say it’s just me:
but deep down you’ll see that it’s true.
I’ve frittered away
all my hopes for today;
here’s hoping it may never start.
And it’s easy to tell
I’m not feeling well:
there’s a hole where I once had a heart.

There once was a time
the whole world was mine:
the weather was fine; life was fun.
But I somehow allowed
the over-rated crowd
to cast a black cloud on the sun.
My single-minded aim
was my fortune and fame
and winning a name for my art.
But although I’m well schooled,
you mustn’t be fooled:
there’s a hole where I once had a heart.

As I sit here and draw
my lunch through a straw,
I muse over all I once had.
If only I’d seen
I wasn’t a machine,
it wouldn’t have been quite so bad.
I’ve got no one to call
now I’m climbing the wall
and everything’s falling apart.
And I want you to know
I’ve got nowhere to go:
there’s a hole where I once had a heart.

This was first published in a small Scottish magazine called Quantum Leap in 2003 – in the section for humorous verse. Which I thought was quite funny.