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This was commissioned by a weirdo called Larry (played by Emma Lee Moss) eight days ago on the last day of an online songwriting course. Larry claimed he’d moved on from his Lothario image and wanted to impress Shakespeare. I sussed him out though and wrote a song where he’s trying to impress Shakespeare but is still a Lothario. After I’d performed the song, Emma revealed that Larry had been listening in and his agent had just rung to say he would be putting the song on his next album. One of my fellow course mates said: “I think Larry would take it just for that one line: ‘Break me off a little piece of your exquisite life.’” I owe a debt to the diction, tone, and cadence of the lines in Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Me to the End of Love”.

Click on the title for the sung version.

Lothario’s Charms

for Larry

I talked to you this morning.
The way that you were stalling  
Lothario’s charms
made me think you might consider
a literary dinner
while lyin’ in my arms.
Woobidoobidoo, wabadoobidoo, ah.

So meet me late in the library,
at a quarter after ten,
an’ if you choose to lie for me,
I’ll never ask again.
Break me off a little piece
of your exquisite life.
We could honeymoon in Greece,
an’ you could be my wife.     (Ha, ha, ha, ha.)

I spotted you this evening.
The fact that you were leaving
sent shivers down my spine.
An’ I think of you tonightly
although it’s quite unlikely.
It’s only just gone nine.
Woobidoobidoo, woobidoobidoo, ah.

So meet me late in the library,
at a quarter after ten,
an’ if you choose to lie for me
I’ll never ask again.
Break me off a little piece
of your exquisite life.
We could honeymoon in Greece,
an’ you could be my wife.     (Ha, ha, ha, ha.)