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A Karen Blixen, Ann Bilde, Aunt Julia, Douglas Dunn, Fife Writes Open Mic, Jim Carruth, Julia MacLaurin, Juliana Capes, Norman MacCaig, Remembering Ann, Saying Goodbye, StAnza 2023, Steve MacLaurin, The Little Kremlin Room
If you’d asked me five months ago how long I’d continue as a college teacher, I’d have answered: “Till I’m 70.” Three months later I’d quit my job. Back in November I did begin to speculate about moving back to the UK or to Ireland, but it was rather vague, and when I quit it wasn’t because I wanted to do something else. I simply found my situation intolerable. I won’t go into all the details. Suffice it to say that I no longer felt that I fitted in in an institution where academic standards have dropped dramatically in the course of the last twenty years, where many of the students are insecure and stressed about grades, and where, since lockdown, overprotective parents have fanned the flames of their insecurity. I’ve always insisted on high academic standards, and that doesn’t always go down too well with some parties. What tipped the balance though was that some of my students were uncomfortable about me displaying my grief (for my late wife) in the classroom. Could I not get some help? they asked. Snowflakes, really. They’re the ones who need some help. Anyway, I’ve never felt such relief as I did upon waking on the Saturday after I’d resigned my post. I’d no idea that I’d been under such emotional duress.
The minute I’d quit I strove to make the best out of my new situation. I booked flights for two weeks in Scotland, where I visited family and friends in tandem with going to a number of events at StAnza as well as meeting up with the class that I’d planned a study trip to Edinburgh for, at a reading by Kenneth Steven in the Little Kremlin Room in Milnes Bar. He told us about the importance of the room for Scottish literary history and about Norman MacCaig’s séances after the pub had closed. He then read Norman’s poem, “Aunt Julia”, for us. The students weren’t especially well-behaved, which, as Kenneth wrote to me afterwards, fazed him. I was on the same flight back to Denmark as my former class, and when I showed Kenneth’s mail to the teacher that had replaced me, all he could say was: “But we told them about that.”
If I were still a college teacher, I’d no doubt feel motivated to describe the events I attended at StAnza in some detail, but as it is I will just briefly mention what were the highlights for me personally. I enjoyed Jim Carruth’s reading on the Friday and his presentation at “Celebrating Douglas Dunn” on the Sunday. Douglas turned 80 last October. Jim was rung up two hours before the event: Don Paterson was ill, and could Jim replace him? You’d never have guessed it was at such short notice, and I only found out because I asked him directly. I’m sure Don couldn’t have done it better. (See my report from 2011.) Douglas didn’t attend the event, but he was down in the bar afterwards, and I chatted with him for ten minutes. I’d recited three poems for my late wife at Fife Writes Open Mic on the Friday evening, starting with “Saying Goodbye”, after which I acknowledged his influence from Elegies, and then continuing with “A Karen Blixen” and “Remembering Ann”. I praised him for his paving the way for others. He merely replied that Peter Porter had done it a decade earlier. I gave him a copy of my pamphlet, Remembering Ann,
printed privately a year after her death. He skimmed through it, and his only comment was: “You play chess, I see.” He’d actually met Ann as she came along with me when I did an interview with him for my paper on Elegies in 1995.
On the Sunday afternoon my sister Julia and I went on a walk round the Byre with artist, Juliana Capes, a free event where she encouraged us to observe our surroundings closely. We found it very inspiring. It was like going on a ginko with an expert guide. I am dedicating the following three haiga to her. The first two photos were taken in Perthshire, and the last one back in Denmark (as was the photo at the top). Thanks to cousin Steve for the layout of the text.